” I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” – Psalms 32:8

I have an inner monologue that runs through my head at almost all times. I thought that it was normal to have this voice just chatting to me all day. Sometimes it was about what was going on around me, but often this voice takes a more creative approach. The voice in my mind loves to think of worst case scenarios.

In these scenarios, no matter what, it tells me how I will literally die if one thing goes wrong. I know that might sound extreme to some people, but for a long time, I thought that it was normal. I lived with these thoughts for over 20 years before I even found out that other people didn’t think this way!

While in treatment for my Eating Disorder, they finally told me that this extreme type of thinking had a name: Catastrophic Thinking. In this type of thought pattern, your mind is always thinking of worst case scenarios and life or death situations. There are so many things to be afraid of when your brain is thinking in this pattern. Your life gets small and confined. Panic sets in at the slightest upset in your controlled patterns in life.

For a long time, I was convinced that the enemy was the emotion or food. I blamed these 2 things for so much in my life and let them control me by doing everything in my power by trying to control them.

See, the real paradox is, the more that you try to control something, the more that thing has control over you.

It wasn’t until I stepped back when someone at treatment told me something that would change my life. “Kendall, do you realize that you don’t have to listen to what your thoughts tell you to do?” For years, I was under the impression that my mind was protecting me. That my thoughts were a road map to the freedom in life that I wanted- I just had to continue to control what they told me to and listen to these rules that kept me ‘safe’. The enemy had figured out my greatest weakness and was using it in a more clever way than I could ever imagine.

The enemy convinced me that he was the one protecting me with these rules about my life. He used my past to make my thoughts sound logical and play off of deeply ingrained fears. He made those fears louder and bigger in my life. Suddenly, I was scared of cheese toast (and many other foods!) and I couldn’t figure out how I got to that extreme place in my life.

During treatment I really started dissecting my thoughts. What I realized is that my thoughts were so fear based, that they were trying to force me to do things that were hurting me (like restricting food because I truly believed that food would kill me not nourish me), I started to find a bit of freedom.

The real enemy wasn’t food, or even the emotion of fear that I was constantly running from. The real enemy was THE enemy. The enemy had distracted me for so long with fear that that I didn’t realize that he had firmly planted himself in my mind through that fear.

One of the first Bible Studies that I did while in treatment was ‘Finding Peace” by Charles Stanley. It talked a lot about how the enemy battled for our thoughts, and through strongholds in our thoughts, tried to control our lives. I started praying every morning for discernment in my thoughts. I wanted to start hearing God, not the enemy.

When the enemy attacks us, we think that we will see it coming. We think we will know what an attack might look like. In our minds eye, it might even be easy to say no to what the enemy asks us to do. But the enemy is so much more cunning that we give him credit for. The enemy is glad that we think he isn’t clever! This is why it often takes us so long to realize that we are under attack!

The enemy watches us and knows where the best area in our lives is to attack. For me, he used fear and food to attack me and he convinced me that these rules was protecting me. For others, he uses different emotions and different behaviors to control them. What is he using with you?

God wants to instruct us and guide us. He loves us so much. With His guidance, we can get our thoughts out of these deeply ingrained thought patterns. These thought patterns were made to destroy us, but God wants to rescue us from them.

When we turn to God and start to trust Him, we will start to hear a quieter, gentle voice in our minds that speaks against these thoughts. We will start to have a renewed strength to continue to fight against these thoughts. But we HAVE to make the choice to turn towards God and away from these catastrophic thought patterns.

The voice of God is a peaceful one. The Holy Spirit speaking in your life isn’t a screaming voice of fear or a voice filled with sadness or shame. Instead it is quiet and peaceful.

This verse is a verse of promise. God promises to guide us in the way that we should go. God created us for a life of purpose and freedom from the enemy. Don’t you want to live like that? Do you really want to keep fighting the same battle day in and day out? He offers you counsel on how to get out of the war that the enemy had placed you in! Whether you listen to Him or not is your choice- your free will.

I hope that today, you will start thinking about the thoughts that you are having. Think about how the enemy is manipulating you. Pray for discernment to know when the enemy is speaking and when God is speaking to you. Listen closely for that quiet and peaceful voice in your life.

That inner monologue that is filled with catastrophic thoughts can change to an inner monologue of peace. That screaming voice of the enemy can change to a quiet voice of peace with the enemy just a whisper in the background. It is possible! It has happened in my life. But it starts with turning towards God. It starts by listening to His loving guidance and counsel in your life. To get to that freedom and purpose, we have to listen to a different voice, one that isn’t as urgent or demanding. And I’m not going to lie, it’s hard. The enemy won’t let go of that stronghold in your life without a fight. It’s constantly choosing, DAILY, to listen to God instead of the enemy. It’s choosing to turn towards peace instead of towards overwhelming emotions or situations.

Before you go, sign up for my email list! I send one email a week with freebies as well as the new weekly blog post!

I am always praying for you! And I love to hear from you! Feel free to email me at: [email protected] with any prayer requests, post requests, or if you just want to stop in and say hi.