Eating Disorder Recovery Devotional- Day 8: Bad Days

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Philippians 3: 14- “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Jesus Christ”

When I entered treatment, I thought that they would fix me quickly. Once I was fixed, I could go back to my everyday life full of happiness and joy. I just needed someone to fix me. I was under the impression that once I was out of treatment, my mind would be my own again, not something controlled constantly by the voice of ED, anxiety and depression. 

But once out on my own after treatment, things got harder. ED grew loud again, and fighting this 3 headed monster took a ton of mental energy that I didn’t think I had. 

We are under the impression that recovery is a straight line trending upward. That being recovered means that we won’t ever have problems or issues again with our ED. And that, my friends, is a completely inaccurate statement. Bad days are part of recovery. Some days you might slip up and do the ED thing. I’m here to tell you that it is okay. It is okay to have bad days. Bad days do not mean you failed, no matter what the devil is screaming at you. 

Have you ever heard the statement “dying things scream?” As our ED is dying, it is going to get louder at times. The louder it gets, the more we have to fight. And it’s an exhausting battle. As Paul says here in this passage though, no matter what, we have to press on. We have to keep fighting. 

And when fighting gets tough, which it most likely will, then we must look up, look heavenward, toward Jesus. We must make the choice to look towards Jesus when we are distressed instead of looking back towards the eating disorder. 

Making that choice everyday is so hard. I’m not going to lie to you and tell you that life is so much easier after treatment. Because it’s not. It’s hard to continue to choose to do what is right for your body instead of what is easy for your mind. But this is where faith is. This is where trust is. Trust not only in yourself, but in Jesus. That He will bring you through the rough times. That his quiet, still voice in your mind of the Holy Spirit will win out over the loud and threatening voice of the devil. 

Today, choose to press onward, even on the hard days. Every day, every minute, every second is a choice of whether or not to do what the devil is telling you to do. And some days that choice will be so difficult you might want to scream. I encourage you too! Scream to the Father, and beg Him for help. He will always help you. He will shift your focus. 

It’s okay to have hard days, bad days, blue days and anxious days. Give yourself grace. Just because you did the wrong thing does not mean you are a failure. Cry out to the Lord, and keep pressing on. 

Disclosure: I am not a therapist, a counselor or a doctor. Please seek treatment from someone if you need it.

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