How to Support Your Spouse on Valentine’s Day

If your spouse has an eating disorder, chances are all holidays are really hard for them. Their brains are already thinking about food much more than the ‘normal’ person’s, but now they have to get out of routines, eat food that they most likely aren’t accustomed to, and maybe even be in uncomfortable environments.

This Valentine’s Day, take the pressure off of your spouse if possible. Here are a few tips on how to effectively support your spouse this Valentine’s Day.

Words of Affirmation

Letting your spouse know that you care about them and love them is CRUCIAL on Valentine’s day. For people with eating disorders, most of the time they don’t feel worthy enough, good enough, or ________ (this can be anything!) enough. A handwritten note or card can be a HUGE deal because it is something that they can continually go back to. Something that they can stick in their bag as a reminder that they are enough to someone in their lives that is important to them.

Giving a Present

This can be so tricky. Candy may or may not be a trigger in this situation, so tread lightly with it. Clothes may also feel this way. Look into my Valentines Day Gift Guide for Him and my Valentines Day Gift Guide for Her for some inspiration on what you can get them that won’t cause triggering on this already emotional day.

This gift dosen’t need to be something extravagant, or worth a lot of money. It should show support and that you care.

This past year, my husband gave me lottery tickets and a note. It was perfect! Nothing triggering. He showed me words of affirmation with the note. Plus, we had the chance at winning a lot of money. It was great! We scratched off the tickets together. While we didn’t win anything, it was something that we could do together that did not involve food, eating, or anything else.

Don’t push intimacy

Depending on your spouse’s history, intimacy should not be pushed, or even brought up. This should be the case all the time. However, making anyone feel guilty for not pursuing intimacy on Valentine’s Day is not okay. Because people with eating disorders most likely WILL feel guilty, even if that is not your intention. Be kind, and always go at their speed.

Date Night

This one is SO different based on what type of Eating Disorder your spouse may have. First, ask them if they would like to go out and eat. Take their suggestions on where and when they would like to go. Make a plan with them. Sit down, look at the menu together before going. Decide what both of you are having before even going to the restaurant. If your spouse is still in treatment, make sure that their meal plan is being followed as closely as possible with their meal.

Being open about the struggles of eating out at a restaurant is essential for the night to go as planned. Because the plan for valentine’s day is important. Your spouse needs to know the plan, and both of you need to stick to it as much as possible. This will relieve so much of the anxiety that they may have about eating out.

And if it dosen’t go as planned, do not get mad at your spouse. This will only make them feel more guilty. Having a back up plan in your mind for something that you could possibly pick up at the store may be a good idea too. Talk to your spouse about this back up plan.

Be Patient, Be Kind

If your spouse is fighting an eating disorder, then chances are their thoughts are not being kind or patient. It is critical that you remain both of these during your Valentine’s Day activities. Doing this will normalize holidays as well as keep your spouse on track, even if things don’t go as originally planned.

Want to read my Eating Disorder Recovery Story? Or start Recovery Devotionals with me?

*I am not a licensed therapist, counselor or doctor. If you think you or a loved one has an eating disorder, please see a doctor as soon as possible. The opinions stated above are my own, based on my own experiences of battling an eating disorder.