The “It’s been a while…” song is playing in my mind as I write this. And I know because it’s… well, It’s literally been a while since I sat down and felt well enough to write, post, email, and do ALL THE THINGS! I hope that you’ve been well. I hope that 2022 has treated you amazing so far. Me? Well… it’s not been a pretty ride. In fact, it’s been more like riding through a hailstorm with the wind blowing 60 miles an hour.

But, I digress.

I’m here to talk about coming BACK to Peace. Which is what I’ve been working on the past few weeks. How do I get back to feeling GOOD again? Good is a relative word. It means different things on different days. Maybe what I mean by good is a content peace. A peace that doesn’t waver during the storms. A peace that stands firm even when I’m shaking (sometimes literally).

I’m still reading the old testament, and right now, I’m in Joshua. I’m about halfway through, but my goodness it is PACKED with amazing lessons.

Joshua 4: 21-24- “And he said to the people of Israel, ‘When your children ask their fathers in the times to come, ‘What doe these stones mean? then you shall let your children know, ‘Israel passed over this Jordan on dry ground.’ For the Lord your God dried up the waters of the Jordan for you until you passed over, as the Lord your God did to the Red Sea, which he dried up for us until we passed over, so that all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty, that you may fear the Lord your God forever,”

A little background to start us off. God told 1 members of each of the 12 tribes to take a stone from the Jordan as a reminder and a memorial of how the Lord parted the Jordan for the people of Israel.

As soon as I read this, I couldn’t help but think back to my time in my Eating Disorder Treatment facility. At the end of your time with them, you get a stone to remember your journey, your victories and your strength for getting through one of the hardest periods of your life. I have both of my stones on my makeup table as a daily reminder to myself. I love that God gives us tokens, reminders of how amazing and mighty He is and what all He can bring us through.

When I first watched one of these stone ceremonies at the ED center, getting there felt so far away, like something I could never accomplish. My ED has such a hold on every single aspect of my life, I couldn’t even fathom a life where I deserved, or could earn, a stone like that.

It took me from March until August, but eventually, I got that stone. During those 6 months, I watched many others pass before me and get their stone too. And each time, I became less resentful and more hopeful that one day, I would get mine too.

And when I finally got that little stone, I held it close. Right after leaving the ED center, I kept it in my purse so that I would always have it with me. It wasn’t until last year that I finally took it out of my purse and put it on my makeup vanity so that I could look at it daily. That stone was no longer hiding in my purse, but instead it was out in the open… it was free. Free to be observed by anyone. Free to breathe the fresh air (okay, maybe not so fresh because of the hair spray…). But it was free to be SEEN.

While many of us don’t have physical stones as reminders of what we have been through, we do have the choice of keeping that experience to ourselves, or letting it out into the world to be seen and observed. God gives us reminders of what we have been through and conquered. And maybe, right now, you can’t think of anything. When we get in these headspaces of where we can only focus on the negatives, it’s difficult to remember what God has done for us. That’s right where the enemy wants us. We have to make the conscious choice to turn to him.

Turn to Him in praise. Turn to Him in thanksgiving of the breath in your lungs right now. We often try and do things out of order when it comes to prayer. In these deep moments of despair, where you can’t find any stones as reminders for what God has brought you through, try this. THANK HIM first. Even for something as small as the ability of your heart to beat, which is REALLY magnificent if you think about it. THANK HIM for your best friend, your pet, your couch, your bed, the grass outside, your favorite plant…. ANYTHING. Thank Him for it. Tell Him why it’s important to you. Tell Him how it’s helped you. Praise Him for being Almighty even through what is happening to you. Ask Him for help in making a list of stones that He wants you to remember. What has he brought you through? What are you still struggling with that you need His help with?

I’ve got stones for sale, if anyone is interested. You can buy as many, or as few as you would like based on the battles that you may need a memorial for. It’s okay to have a reminder for what God has done in your life. For those of us with mental health issues, it’s so easy to get caught up in our minds, where all we hear are troubles, that we forget that God has brought us victories too.

Peace sometimes comes from remembering that you are STRONG, that you serve a MIGHTY, HEALING and WONDERFUL God that loves you. He might not quite the storm…. but he might be teaching you to be quiet during it. Riding it out through His Peace instead of trying to power through it on your own and trying to force the winds to go the way you want them to go. Peace comes in knowing that GOD has this, and that you don’t have to. Those little stones are reminders of all the times that God conquered it all. Those stones are the reminders of your TRUST in Him, even when you just wanted to hold on to all of the control. Those stones are the reminders for everything that God has brought you through that you didn’t think you would survive.

I am always praying for you! Everything is starting back now on regular schedule! Thank you for the prayers and the emails. They meant the world. Many of you check on me and prayed for me. The community here is amazing.