Mark 12:31 “The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.”
“If only I ________ like her…”
Comparison is something that we, as women, do without even realizing it. Some of us compare appearance, lifestyle, money, things… the list could keep going.
Comparison is usually rooted in how we aren’t enough… once again. “I’m not enough” is a thought that we hear in our heads daily. Comparison is an offspring of that thought.
When we think ‘I’m not enough’ and we get around these people who we think are better than us in some way, we act different!
For me, comparison has never been about appearance. Comparison has always been about the ‘perfect life’. (I’m going to call myself out here, even though I know that there is a slight possibility that people I know might read this!). My sister in law seems like the most perfect person to me. She is a wonderful child of God who never curses, always says the right things to people, and has so much empathy with others. She loves children and even has a beautiful child of her own now. Nothing in her life ever seems to go wrong, and if it does, she seems to be able to laugh about it and move on. Whenever I’m around her, I feel small and insignificant. As if nothing I could ever do would live up to who she is as a person. So, I find myself doing one of two things when I’m around her: hiding or performing.
What’s worse? My sister in law doesn’t really know much about who I truly am because all I’ve done is act or hide around her. With the constant comparison, I’ve been so much in my own head, I probably haven’t truly got to know her either.
I write all of this to make the point that comparison gets you no where. It steals the joy out of what could be great relationships, even friendships. It steals time from you. It steals your sense of peace. Comparison steals your sense of worth and your confidence in your own abilities.
See, even though my sister in law is a great person, it doesn’t take away anything from who God made me to be! God gave me different qualities and strengths. Accepting that fact that God made you perfectly into who HE wants you to be, will help you stop the comparison games that are going on in your head.
Comparison also breeds greed, hate, malice, guilt, shame and embarrassment. God did not call us to feel this way about other human beings or ourselves! He called us, in his second greatest commandment, to LOVE others. When all we are doing is comparing ourselves to others, we can’t focus on loving them. We are only focused on ourselves and our own feelings, thoughts and actions- and these are usually VERY negative! In all of that comparison, we aren’t loving ourselves the way that God loves us. We are putting down and shaming one of God’s creations when we tell ourselves that we aren’t good enough.
In the comparison game, there is a winner and a loser. The game wants to tear you down by telling you that others are better than you. The game wants to destroy your confidence. The game wants to take away the love that you feel for other people.
We can’t make it a game anymore. We have to start accepting people as they are and choosing to love them. Loving people is a CHOICE. Where we focus our thoughts is a choice.
Plus, we have to start accepting ourselves as who we are. Because we are great! Being great in a different way than someone else doesn’t negate your greatness. Having strength in a different area in your life than someone else doesn’t mean that you are weak. You can love yourself and love them. There isn’t a quota on how much love you have to offer in this world.
Self acceptance stops the comparison game. Choosing to love others, even when it’s hard, stops the comparison game.
Who do you find yourself constantly comparing yourself to? Where do your thoughts go? The next time that you are around that person, or see a picture of that person, think 4 positive thoughts about yourself and 4 positive thoughts about them. How can you show love to that human?
Self-acceptance is a battle of the mind. Accepting that you are competent and capable in different ways than others is essential to being self confident. Loving others is a battle of the mind too. It’s really hard to love others when the only thing that is in your mind is a list of reasons that you don’t like them. Start feeding your mind some positives about that person, and some positives about yourself. Because when you gain self confidence and start focusing on loving others, the comparison games stop.
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