Relapse.. a word that us in the Eating Disorder Community, especially if we have reached recovery, really fear. We’ve worked so hard to get to where we are… and then suddenly it seems that ED voice comes back so strong and powerful. What happens if we listen? What happens if we listen because it’s easier?
2 Peter 3:9- “The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
If you haven’t relapsed once, or had relapse thoughts or urges, congratulations! However, the majority of us, while in the recovery process, or while living in recovery will have times that we want to go back to behaviors. Go back to the ‘easy way’, which is living in the eating disorder, listening to the anxiety, fear and judgement. Anything to make these overwhelming feelings stop.
If you find yourself here today friends, overwhelmed and wanting to relapse, this is for you. If you find yourself in the middle of relapse and you don’t even know how you got there, this is for you. Relapse comes slowly and gradually. Sometimes it’s really sneaky. One day, you are following your meal plan, the next day, you skip a step. You may keep skipping it. Suddenly you are skipping many steps and lying to your team, your friends and your family again. Now what? Is your ED labeling you as a failure? Do you think you will never be able to fully recover because you are not enough? Are you just tired of the fight?
God promises that he will always be there for us, always love us and always help us in a way that is best for us. The process of recovery is SLOW! And the word tells us that God’s promises are slow to come to fruition. God’s promises, while not reliant on us, do come after we repeatedly do what He asks. He is patient with us so that we learn.
He wants us to learn how to live, how to deal with emotions, how to feel. How to forgive others and ourselves. All of that takes patience and time. In this waiting time, this slow down, God is always there with you, always. He wants you to see your errors and learn from them. He is not wanting to punish you! We serve a God of love, and he loves us enough to give us time to learn the lessons that will make us into the strongest versions of ourselves so that we can fulfill our purpose on this planet.
In your relapse, on those hard days, know that you are not starting over. Know that God loves you no matter what. Know that God is patient and loving, and you need to be patient with yourself to start to heal again.
God is always with you, waiting on you, helping you, and loving you. Begin the process again, knowing that you are not alone, no matter what ED says. That God will forgive you, just come to him with a spirit of wanting to do better and he will help you. The road we are on isn’t easy, and it’s long. But the more we live in our behaviors and in our ED, the longer the road will be. Choose you, choose your future, choose your purpose over ED. Choose the hard road, not the easy one friend.
First, you have to go to your treatment team (therapists, dietitians, doctors) and be completely honest with them. I know and understand that this will be so hard. That you may feel guilt, embarrassment or shame for letting this team down, or for lying to them about what’s been going on. Your recovery is more important than potentially hurting someone’s feelings. They will understand. They will forgive you. Then, they will get you help.
Second, you have to start facing those food fears and emotions again. There is a reason that you’ve been hiding from them. Get with your therapist and get to the bottom of it. There is nothing wrong with getting help, even if this is help for the same issue that you had before. There is no ‘pass/fail’ in recovery. This is not black and white! It is okay to get help and seek treatment again.
Make the new meal plans. Make the new treatment plans. Pray. Friend, pray everyday for help, direction guidance and peace. Let God into this recovery process if you haven’t before. He is there with you in the good times and the bad. He doesn’t want to just hear the highlight reel of your life! He wants to help you to recover. You have to turn to Him and let Him in!
If you , or someone you love is transitioning into recovery, or back into recovery, please check out my devotional “The Cliff: Transitions.” This devotional shows you how God is with you and for you during all of the chaos and change in your life. I hope that you will pick up your copy today.
Also, don’t forget to follow me on social media! @heightsinheels on Instagram, Heights In Heels on Facebook and Heights In Heels on Pinterest. I also want to pray with you and talk to you. Please always feel free to email me at: [email protected]
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I love you and I am praying for you,
