John 14:1- “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me.”
Sometimes, sadness sweeps over me in a way that I can’t quite describe. At times there is a trigger, at other times it comes seemingly out of nowhere, after a really good day. Either way, the feeling of not only sadness, but the thoughts associated with it bring me to my knees. It keeps me from work, it keeps me in bed, it keeps me continuously crying. Biggest problem? My Eating Disorder is so loud in the sadness it makes it even harder than usual to complete my meals.
The enemy will use your greatest weakness in your greatest times of distress. It’s not only anxiety, fear and worry that will make Eating Disorder jump to the forefront of your brain! Sadness, Depression, and even the ‘rainy day blues’ may make it harder and harder for you to eat.
Today, sadness swept over me. Usually, I would call out of work, but I didn’t do that today. That’s what the sadness wants me to do. Usually, I wouldn’t eat breakfast. This morning, I had a very safe breakfast. Usually, I don’t eat my snacks, my lunch, or sometimes even dinner. Today, I am going to choose to do the exact opposite of what the sadness wants me to do as it concerns my Eating Disorder.
Do I still need to feel the emotion? Cry? Curl up under the covers for a little while today? Absolutely. Those are very normal things to do when you are sad and are meant to help you process that sadness. What’s not okay, even though I am feeling so overwhelmed, is listen to my Eating Disorder. Our Eating Disorder is looking for that little crack in resolve, to find a way to wriggle in and make us do the thing that we have been taught not to do.
Listening to ED is not a coping mechanism. Even though it seems so simple to do the easy thing in the moment. To do the thing that has always seemed like it has “helped”. To do the thing that helps you “make it through the day”. ED is lying to you. It is using your sadness to sneak in.
Don’t let it. Choose that even though you’re sad, to try a new way to deal. Write in a journal, call a friend, call your therapist, cry under the covers, take a nice long bath. FEEL THE FEELINGS… but also follow your meal plan. I’m not going to tell you that it is going to be easy. It’s going to be really hard to do the ‘really hard’ thing on a day when you feel so sad and overwhelmed.
Make it a day that you eat your meal plan in the safest way possible. The more you fight the thoughts, the less likely you will be to return to your ED behaviors. It’s days like this, the days of overwhelming emotion, that the progress is made! You can do it, you’ve done it other days, and you can do it today. Choose you. Choose your future. Choose what would make your future you happy. Choose to believe that God is on your side, and that He will be with you throughout the sadness. Because He will. He cares that your heart is so troubled. Believe in Him and His overwhelming grace. Today, my hope for you is that His overwhelming grace takes the place of your overwhelming sadness.
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