When God asks us to do something, it isn’t always going to work out how we envision it. I have been reading through Acts, and it has been such a whirlwind.
Specifically, lets take a look at Acts 14 today. I’ve linked it here so that you can read it!
Have you read it? GREAT! So, Paul and Barnabas do this AMAZING thing where they heal someone, but the crowds don’t give the glory to God, or even listen to what they are teaching. The crowds make assumptions about the 2 men and call them ‘gods in human bodies’. They decided that Paul and Barnabas were actually the Greek gods of Zeus and Hermes! I’m sure that that is not the way that these 2 apostles wanted this trip, or this interaction to go.
Not only did the crowds start saying that they were gods, the crowds also started giving them oxen and flowers and preparing sacrifices. When the 2 apostles heard about this they torn at their clothing and ran out among the people shouting the TRUTH. But…. the people still refused to listen to them. Paul ended up stoned, left for dead and dragged out of the city.
And yet… the next day the 2 apostles left for a new city where they made MANY new disciples, strengthened believers and continued following the faith.
When I read this, I couldn’t stop thinking about Paul’s resiliency and persistence. The way that he clings to the truth is so admirable. When he got to the new city, he even told the people that being a follower of Jesus meant that they would have to face trials and tribulations during life.
There are so many beautiful lessons in this chapter, but the one that I want to focus on is this: trials and tribulations do not make you a failure. These things that we go through and fight through are always leading us to a better place, even in the darkest moments.
I can only imagine how Paul must have felt when he heard that they thought he was Zeus. Here, Jesus had entrusted him to spread the Good News, and instead, people were ignoring him and treating him like a god. He probably felt like a failure. His anxiety, shame, and embarrassment were most likely in overdrive. The scripture even says that he tore at his clothes and ran through the streets trying to fix the problem.
Have you felt like that before? I know I have. Feeling the anxiety, shame and embarrassment that comes with dealing with mental health can leave you feeling like a failure. The desperation to FIX the problem by any means necessary is overwhelming. Feeling out of control, feeling like you tried your best, and yet failed is sometimes too much for us to take.
In the depths of my ED, I tore at my clothes, begging to be fixed. Begging to not have to go through this trial any longer. Begging for people to understand, to not think less of me for this failure. I wanted my mind back, my health back, but mostly, I didn’t want to feel so terrible. Have you been there too?
When Paul finally got out of this trial, even though he was bruised and battered, he got up and kept going. He got to a city that accepted him and he made new disciples. He had to go through that city of trials to get to the city of acceptance.
If you are in your city of trials right now, I want you to know that you WILL get to your next destination. It’s going to take some time, and you might even be on the brink of death (like Paul), but if you continue to choose to keep fighting, keep trusting the Lord, and keep your focus on Him, He will bring you to your place of healing, acceptance, and love.
I know that He can, because it is my own testimony. I fought my ED for 20 years before I ever got diagnosed or got help. I was in the depths, beaten and sick for a year until I ever got the courage to start walking towards that new city of healing. Even now, sometimes my old bruises from anxiety and ED twinge, but I KNOW I made it. I know that I am in my city of happiness and acceptance.
God had to take me through that trial at that time in my life so that I could get here. I am so THANKFUL for it. When I say that, people look at me like I’m crazy. How could I be thankful for my time of suffering? Suffering teaches us more than success ever will. Suffering teaches us who our Father is, who is in control. It teaches us resiliency and perseverance, acceptance and love for others. It teaches us kindness and compassion that will never leave. It teaches us to think about our own thoughts and realize when we are being attacked.
While in the trial, and during the fight, I know that you might not care about the lessons. You just want to get to your freedom. I get it. But if you stop fighting because it’s easier, you’ll never get to your next destination. You’ll stay stuck in this city of trials.
Today, I pray that you continue to fight, continue to put on the brave face of a warrior and take on your mental health with everything you have. It’s a choice, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute to continue the fight. For most of us, it’s also a choice meal by meal, to do what is right instead of what is easy.
I am always praying for you
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