Do vacations make you more nervous than excited? I know that I felt that way for a LONG time until I was well into recovery. BUT, vacations can push us to challenge our thinking while also helping us reinforce established habits.
This is by no means a comprehensive guide (and if you have any ideas or other helpful suggestions, leave them in the comments below!) but this is a great place to start if you are about to go on vacation and you are in the process of Eating Disorder Recovery.
Before I jump in, I want to tell you about two of my own vacations- one that went horribly wrong and the other that went great!
Vacation 1- What ED nightmares are made of….
I was going on a trip with my husband’s ENTIRE family (which is already nerve-wracking in itself) which consists of around 20-25 people. I was already very insecure around them all and felt the need to constantly put on a mask and not by myself. So, while struggling around people that I already thought didn’t like or accept me, I had to eat. And it was the LAST thing I wanted to do. In all honesty… I just wanted to go in my room and hide until the vacation was over. But, because I also wanted to be a good wife, I pulled myself out of bed every morning and went to the beach with all of these people.
After a few days, you can probably imagine my level of anxiety. The intrusive thoughts were loud, I was literally shaking from anxiety, and I couldn’t be myself. I didn’t want to offend my husband, or his family, so I hardly said a word. On the night that it was our family’s night to cook dinner, I actually helped. But, part of my ED is an aversion to dishes (I have ARFID… we don’t like textures!). In my own home, it wasn’t a big deal- my husband just did the dishes. But out with other people, I’m sure it seemed strange that I wouldn’t touch dishes. My sister-in-law (who is actually a really amazing person, but she just didn’t understand my ED or even know about it) got kind of upset that I wouldn’t help with clean up.
And I lost it. I was already restricting to feel in control and I had tried so hard to be this perfect person, and yet I still didn’t feel like I was enough. I ran up to my room and cried. My sister-in-law and I had a fight at one point even (as much as she can fight… she is really sweet!).
The problems on this trip? Not being honest with myself, my family, or my doctors. Trying to control everything around me through food and personality masks. Not accepting my own mental health struggles and instead of hiding them from myself and my family.
Vacation 2- The Vacation that went great!
Since I’ve lived in recovery, I’ve had a couple of fantastic vacations. BUT, I want to go back to the beach vacation. A couple of years after the first vacation, I actually went back on the family beach vacation… and, it was while I was in ED treatment. I’m not going to say that it was perfect, or that my sister in law and I had a great relationship (we do NOW, but at the time, it was still rocky!), BUT, I was myself. I ate the food. I went to the beach. I hung out with my husband. I wasn’t trying to control every little thing. The perfection mask had slipped. I made time for myself.
The biggest thing though? My truth was out. There was no hiding my ED. I had been in active treatment for 3 months at that point. Everyone knew my struggles and wasn’t badgering me about food, anxiety, or dishes.
Another important lesson that I learned? You don’t throw routines out the window just because you change location.
Vacation Tips
And on that note… Keep your Routines!
While on vacation, a lot of us think that it is the time to do whatever we want. But that often leads to feelings of self-doubt and fear. A big routine for me to keep was getting up within an hour of when I usually did, and doing a devotional before I had breakfast. Starting off my day in the Word is not a routine that I feel I can throw out just because of vacation, and I hope that you don’t either!
After my devotional, I ate breakfast. I ate a VERY safe breakfast while I was on the trip. Of course, we can challenge things while we are on vacation, but don’t make every meal and every decision a challenge. Keep your morning routine. Keep to a safe, but recovery-focused breakfast. Don’t start your day out with undue stress.
Have a Plan
Every vacation, I have a plan created. I still meet with my recovery team to talk about meal planning while on vacation. Even if you don’t have an outpatient recovery team, this is something that you can go ahead and plan. Personally, I recommend starting with the meal you have the hardest time with. My meal? LUNCH. So, we made that meal my easiest of the day, while adding variety to snacks and dinner.
On that first vacation, my lunch consisted of a quesadilla every day. I set an alarm to make sure that I ate at a specific time, and asked my husband to hold me accountable. For my own nutritional needs, the quesadilla covered everything. Suddenly, my most stressful meal became something very routine and unproblematic.
While your hardest meal might be different than mine, the lesson remains the same- take the path of least resistance with your hardest meal. Cover your bases. Give yourself grace. If you want to challenge, take the challenges at other meals.
Pack the Snacks
Don’t rely on others to have snacks! Pack your own! We take a ton of snacks whenever we go on vacation now. It not only throws some variety and choice into my day, but it also assures that I always have something when those intrusive thoughts start coming into my mind. Depending on your triggers, your snacks might look different than my snacks, so I won’t list them here.
Instead, think about what a good snack consists of and have at least one snack a day. Our bodies need fuel, especially when we are already in a stressful environment!
What about Restaurants?
With my own ED, restaurants are HARD. I suffer from celiac (which means I can’t eat gluten) and other food allergies. Personally, I don’t like to eat out. However, I did go to New York City recently, and we ate out at EVERY meal. (I’m still shocked, but SO proud of myself!)
So, if restaurants are triggering to you, I suggest checking out the menu first. If you are triggered by numbers (like calorie counts) try to look at the menu with a friend. I suggest going ahead and picking what you want to eat, and then also bring a backup.
That’s right- pack a lunch box. Why? There is nothing quite as stressful as having picked out your food, then the waiter telling you that they don’t have that particular item. Suddenly, the pressure is on, everyone is looking at you and you have no idea. Instead, say, ‘Never mind’ and eat what you packed. The lunch box is a backup plan that I personally take with me to restaurants all the time. I’ve never had anyone at a restaurant question my own meal when I’ve had to pull it out. Don’t be afraid to eat your own food. It happens!
If you are going to a city (like New York) go to a grocery store nearby and pick up a couple of food items for emergencies. I picked up some gluten-free bread, peanut butter, chips, and a case of water. Was it the best meal? No. BUT, it covered everything that I personally needed covered and there were no last-minute excuses.
Don’t Hide
When we get diagnosed with an ED or a mental health disorder, sometimes the first thoughts are: what are others going to think of me? How are they going to perceive me now? Are they going to treat me differently?
For me, the best thing was being open with everyone about my struggles. Did I overtly throw it in their face? No. But, I answered questions as they came up. Because of that, there was no family pressure to do the things that were triggering (like dishes). Having those critical conversations before you go on vacation is so important. I let my mother-in-law and sister-in-law know about the dishes thing and my husband stepped in and did the dishes when it would usually be expected of me.
No one questioned my food, or why I was eating to the side of everyone else. No one questioned the alarm that went off at noon daily that reminded me to eat lunch. There were no questions because in choosing to be open, there was no shame or embarrassment. Before, when I tried to hide my ED behaviors, there were always comments. Now, none of that happens.
If telling everyone is too much, consider telling one person. Pick one person to be that support person on your trip that can help you keep on track. Before the vacation, have an open and honest conversation with them. Let them in on your recovery plan, and let them know the signs that they might need to step in and provide some support. You are not meant the shoulder this recovery journey alone. Work with those that you are traveling with to help you. I bet that they are more understanding that you might think.
Have any more tips? Share them below! I can’t wait to hear them!
Happy Summer Vacation!
