“Why me Lord?” I’ve asked that so many times as I’ve struggled with Eating Disorder thoughts and behaviors. Why would God give this struggle to me? What possible purpose could it have in my life? Maybe you’ve been there too.
John 15:1-5- “I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful. You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. Remain in me, as I also remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.”
Your Eating Disorder serves a purpose. It’s not a good purpose, but it does serve one. It’s a distraction, a way to control something when other things seem out of control. It’s function is usually a blend of distraction and control.
I was listening to my meditation today, and the topic was depression. She said something very profound: “It may hurt, but it will change” (Tamara Levit, the Calm app). This statement went so beautifully with my devotional earlier this morning about purpose. The words from both of these experiences have been marinating in my head all day, and I want to share what I think God is trying to teach me, and you, about our Eating Disorders.
See, your ED had a purpose in your life. Something that started out as a simple thought became a strangling vine wrapped around you.This pain, this hurt that you are feeling as you are desperately trying to escape your ED, that’s God pruning the vines around you. That pruning hurts because it forces you to look at your life, your thought patterns and your actions. That pruning brings up bad memories and makes you want to go back to the comfort of the ED just so that the pain stops.
Don’t you want change?
The pruning hurts, but it will change. And isn’t that what we all want here: change? Aren’t we tired of living by the eating disorder rules in our lives? Don’t we want to be free and bear the fruit that God has planned for us?
To do that, to get to that true freedom and that true purpose, we have to let God prune us and make us fruitful vines. God is right there with you through that pruning process. It’s something that we forget from time to time, but we can always turn to God- when the pruning hurts or when it doesn’t.
God is on your side and He wants what’s best for you. God has a more purposeful and peaceful life planned for you away from your Eating Disorder. But, you have to let God in. You have to let Him move in your life. God moving in your life is rarely comfortable or in your timeframe. Acceptance of God’s greater purpose for your pain that you are currently experiencing is so important on your walk with God.
That pruning pain is for a purpose- to live free of the box that your eating disorder or addiction has put you in. To live free of that overwhelming anxiety, sadness and shame. Cutting those out of our lives hurts because we are forced to look at experiences and deal with emotions that we have been pushing away and trying to control with our behaviors.
God is not punishing you with this trial sweet girl. No, this pain has a purpose. This pain has a reason. This hurt will stop. I know that it feels like it won’t. I’ve been there too, when it feels like the controlling and evil thoughts have won once and for all. But they haven’t because you are God’s child. And God is fighting this battle with you and for you.
God is going to use this in your testimony. God is going to use what you are struggling with right now to help someone else in someway. Trust that the pain and the hurt are part of God’s plan. Instead of ‘Why me?’ ask God for healing and to help you understand the purpose of ED or addiction, anxiety or depression in your life. Ask “God, what do you want me to learn from this?” He will show you. He will fight with you as you overcome.
Need help with the change that you are going through? Check out my 15 Day devotional about the chaos that transitions bring into our lives and how to find peace.
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